So I get up early on the day of the bosses departure (obviously with a spring in my step), and declare to myself that I am going to get to the office early, make a list, do all my shit early and have plenty of time to write my farewell speech, rally the troops to get the rooms set up and ultimately give him a good send off. I’d pre-decided all of this the night before, so that I wouldn’t have too much trouble convincing myself to get up early the next day. Tick.
I get ready, get my shit organised, grab Shane’s oversized jacket from when he was 127kgs (because it’s raining and I am determined to walk because exercise is what people-who-have-their-shit-together do, damnit!), remember all the things I usually forget to leave on the bench, fly out the door, and jog down to the bus stop – in plenty of time to be too late for the bus and have to wait another 15mins.
Because I have time management sussed, I whip out my phone and use the time to download some podcasts so that this evenings walk home goes smoothly (ie. I am distracted enough to not notice that I’m walking up a giant fuckoff hill). Success! Even found some that will help me to “Fight the Paper War!” and “Unlock My Team’s Potential!” on the way.
Jump on the next bus and even the #grumpydriver #cantpopthebubbleofpositivity, finish off the downloads and line up the step counter app so I can beat Shane for once. It’s supportive to give your partner small challenges that he can achieve, you guys. Tag off the bus, jump off and get set walking. Grab headphones, reach into pocket for phone with newly-downloaded ear candy and… … …. no phone. SHIT! Looking around on the ground, didn’t fall out of my pocket, did it?! Why did I put it in that pocket, shit always falls out of that pocket, did the people see it? Did they steal it? No, stop it, ask them! “Hey you guys, did you see a black iPhone around?” “No.” Fuck it, it’s on the bus. Is it on the bus? It’s probably on the bus! I could catch it! So, I’m running down the street after the bus, bag bouncing, oversized jacket unzipped and flailing out everywhere like a cheap superhero cape, hair bouncing out of the bright pink pen that’s holding it together, yelling and waving my arms like a maniac as the bus drive further and further down Lambton Quay. And that’s how I ended up running nearly the whole length of the most corporate street in the country looking like Bellatrix Lestrange.
Once I’d finished this Olympically-proportioned dash of madness, I turned and stood, heaving, wondering what the fuck to do next, just as the airport flyer bus pulled up. I did the only sane thing left and jumped on board, asking (a little too loudly) ‘could the driver please radio the driver of the #14 just there and tell him my phone is on that bus!’ “No.” So I’m getting puffed up and am just about to lose my shit, when he looks at me and says, “but you know what, jump on, we’ll chase him down!” I’m like holy-son-of-bus-driving-heaven, this shit just got serious. We hurtle down the road, this guy is on a damn mission, and he’s like, “don’t worry love, we’ll cut him off in Hataitai if we don’t catch up!” and I suddenly realise that I was Born to Adventure and I jump on my work phone to ring the bus headquarters. Surely we can get HQ to radio ahead! HQ is all like “sorry, you have to tell your first-world problems to lost property” and I get the answerphone of doom. So not prepared to let this kill my Adventure Friday buzz, I text Shane and get him to track my phone with the GPS, using his extreme geek skills to channel the CSI agent within.
We’re hurtling down Courtenay Place, the #14 nowhere in sight, and I jump off at the next stop just to check. I look at the driver, shake my head and realise that he’s probably going to tell me my free ride ends here. But PSYC! He’s all like, “jump back on love, he won’t beat me through the tunnel!” And the Adventure is back on track! Shane’s texting me back new with coordinates every minute, and I’m hanging on for dear life as we plunge headfirst into darkness (I had never been through the bus tunnel before, and now no other trip will even come close) and come out on the other side to the bus driver yelling instructions at me like the Army Sergent of #AdventureFriday, “at the bottom of the rise there’s a church at 12 o’clock, you’ll need to jump off and run across the crossing, take a right at the church, cross the road again and wait at the stop outside the chinese shop!” And he stops the bus, opens the door, presses a return ticket into my hand and says, “take this love, and step on it!”
I fly out the door, superbellatrix outfit flapping around, check my phone (GPS target locked in and 400m away) run to the spot just as the #14 pulls around the corner…. tag on, smooth my hair down and politely tell the surprised driver, “I’m here for the phone.”
Two hours later I’m at work making a perfectly perfunctory speech and no one can possibly understand why I’m radiating goddamned sunbeams. Because community ya’ll. Holy shit, best #AdventureFriday ever.
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